Cancer. Was it better to think our family members died of natural causes at young ages as we did in the past, or is it better to know and name our killer? Is it easier to use the fancy medical terminology for the specific diagnosis and not say the C word? Each person, each family deals with it differently; some according to their superstitions, some according to their ignorance, some fear, some faith.
With my father’s diagnosis, we were unprepared. He was the strength in our family. We had no experience to draw on about how this was supposed to work. He spoke with a survivor of his particular kind but there was only one, not a recovery or support group. We should have wondered. Each of my family members reacted differently, and in a crisis you really learn about personalities. His struggle, from diagnosis to surgery to our hope for recovery dashed, to his shrinking, choking body taking its last breath, lasted a short 3 months. He was 54.
When my younger brother was diagnosed with melanoma, another word that keeps us from saying cancer, the internet played a more vital role. His research though caused him great fear as the survival rate was very low for his level. He had avoided the sun in his youth so this discovery of a skin cancer on a protected part of his body was shocking, confusing, unexpected, and unfair. The surgery was immediate, and my faith was strong. I had learned to pray specifically for what I wanted to see God do. I visualized the size and shape of the tumor to be removed and my brother’s full recovery. When I asked about the prognosis following surgery and he described my vision, it was a confirmation for both of us of the power of prayer. He now has two kids and has learned to treat every day as a gift. He lives like there is no tomorrow. He has survived without reoccurrence for 10 years.
My mother’s diagnosis of basal cell carcinoma, another skin cancer, seemed less devastating. I know now that her personality won’t allow bad thoughts and she won’t remember or share with us anything serious the doctor tells her. She had not protected her head as she should have during her frequent visits to Florida, so this cancer actually made sense, if any could. The recovery time required due to the extensive area they removed was unexpected. My sister and sister-in-law dressed her wounds for months. Plastic surgery was suggested but not covered by insurance so was never done. Although she is not a vain woman, she still works to cover the scar that is so visible to her.
Through the years I have had several brushes with the C word myself and learned personally how invaluable it is to talk with an expert and get a second opinion. Twice I have been told by my primary care person that they suspected a situation was a sign of cancer. Then the specialist they recommended used the same exact sign to explain that was how they knew it was not cancer. I do appreciate their thoroughness in my care and also that my insurance allowed me to follow up with a specialist.
I think the way people approach a cancer diagnosis tells a lot about them. When something is so overwhelming, so beyond our control, people tend to react differently. Inwardly, I pray and rely on my faith in God to use all things for His good. Outwardly, my sense of humor kicks in and holds me together while I wait. When I was told I probably had cancer in my hand and was waiting for test results, I told my sister I would need a new hand once they took mine off. She found a mannequin hand and sent it to me. Our humor works well together. I still have that hand peeking out from behind my couch reaching over the shoulder of a guest as a reminder. At Thanksgiving dinner, following surgery on my hand, we brainstormed as to what type of attachments, besides a replacement hand, I could use on my arm. I was thinking about developing a modular prosthetic, with a curling iron attachment, a mixer, a fancy pirate hook, a backscratcher, and other odd gadgets; anything to keep from focusing on the potential life change I might be going through if they did find cancer. It turned out to be a cyst and not cancer.
Along with humor, I like to find out what I can about my options in any situation. With the prevalence of the internet and immediate access to all things medical, it is getting easier and sometimes more confusing. The advice is personal and professional, fact and opinion, all mixed together. If I was told that I had cancer I would combine my internet searches with information from professionals and specialists. I like to be prepared for what my doctors might say, and to understand some of the terminology they might use. The story of James Rhio O’Connor is a great example of working with medical professionals and doing research to fight for a better life with a cancer diagnosis. Occupational cancers such as Mesothelioma which is caused by asbestos exposure are on the rise as we discover too late the impact that years of working in a specific environment can have on us. Mr. O’Connor’s journey with Mesothelioma gives us insight into the options we have as we face a dire prognosis. His survival years beyond expected lets us know that it can be done. His research shows there is evidence out there to support the benefits of proper nutrition and supplements in cancer care. He is our hope and our guide in that world.
Since my brother is a cancer survivor, I would also get advice from him. I know he changed many things in his life because of his diagnosis. He pays attention to foods and nutrition. He has reduced his stress and simplified his life. His attitude reminds us what is really important, and to him that is spending time with his family and his children while he can. I have learned that the time to say those unspoken things you want to say is always now. Don’t wait. Make the most of your time. Do those things you always wanted to do while you still can.
Prioritizing is important and making decisions about whether a treatment will reduce quality of life without extending life expectancy very much can be difficult. Becoming educated in the medical terminology, the tests and expected results, the recovery times for treatments, the available facilities and experts in the field, all are crucial in making the best decisions in the limited time you may have. Ask questions and understand why things are done the way they are. Depending on the situation it may be important to update any wills, life insurance, and medical powers of attorney. Make plans to make any transition easier on your family so they can care for you as you wish, and so they will be taken care of in the future. Make smart informed decisions.
We must also remember that each person’s body is different. We each have been exposed to different environments, we react differently to medications, and our immune systems may respond differently to attacks. The doctors can only give us the benefit of their experience and available statistics. It is worth taking note but also worth looking into other possibilities and not accepting defeat. There are many alternative treatments and therapies available that may be beneficial. Make your own fight plan and stick with it. I have been through some medical issues, some undiagnosed for long periods of time, and my search for answers and relief led me to try treatments and seek specialists that were outside my comfort zone. I worked with my doctors to determine the best dosage of new medications for my situation. When I discovered the reason for my issue, through research on the internet and talking with some support groups, I shared the answer with the various doctors and specialists I had seen so they might consider it when treating patients in the future with similar symptoms. Anything you make your doctor learn may help the next person he treats too.
As I write this essay I am reminded that my mother has recently been diagnosed with a form of Leukemia. I am learning more about blood counts and complications she might face. Cancer has been a part of my life for many years. Research continues into treatments and cures are getting closer every day. The fight continues and stories like that of James Rhio O’Connor and others continue to give me hope.
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This is an AWESOME essay! I couldn't help but to cry when reading it.You are a great writer. I hope you receive the scholarship. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteContinue to practice your faith and your research. Best wishes to you and your family. Hopefully, they, too, know the Lord.
ReplyDeletePS. Surely, you received your scholarship. :)
Thank you for your generous comments. Although I was not awarded the scholarship from among the 1500+ applicants, each of us has hopefully made an impact on the lives of those who read our stories, and that was a worthwhile goal for this program.
ReplyDeleteMeredith Wood - author